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She paints her face to hide her face. Her eyes are deep water. It is not for a Gomar to want. It is not for a Gomar to feel. She satisfies you, whatever you want. The rest is shadows, the rest is secret. These are memoirs of another kind.
1 comment:
I would be suspicious of both desires...not because the desires do not say something deeply true about who we are...but because of what we hide in our loving.
The desire to love, is often an avoidance of self...and avoidance of our own lone journey...the quickest way to avoid our own terrifying sense of separateness, is to glue ourselves to someone else and call it love.
The desire to be loved...is often the child, playing itself out...sulking, melancholic, longing to be noticed by a tender parent...to be nurtured into full flight, to be animated by the loving gaze of another. And this can also leave us in a state were we do not take responsibility for our own vitality, our own animation. This is the puppet on the string...the Pinnochio child, who is genuinely alive, but, would rather be brought to life by another.
so, which might be suffocating which? are those desires in conflict? probably. and i my best guess, is that it embodies that ever-present conflict between the parent and the child.
The parent wants to love another...to lose itself in loving and caring for another lost soul...convincing themselves, that it is good to love another...yet, silently secretly knowing, they are simply terrified of their own lostness, their own separateness.
The child, does not want to be responsible, does not want to request...but, instead, sits silent, longing to be noticed and animated by another's attention, and attentiveness.
so, yip, i can see the tension between the two.
but where do we go from here?
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