‘There’s a loneliness inside her, and she’d do anything to fill it in. And though it’s red blood bleeding from her now, it feels like cold blue ice in her heart….when all the colours mix together to grey.’(Dave Matthews Band)
…as I contemplate town tonight, I preach to myself, my soul if you like. knowing that if i listen closely, if i have the courage to do so, i just may see the divine, and in seeing the divine, i may see others as i should, as they really are…. i may just also see myself.
the trouble is, am i willing to see the truth of who i am, the real me?
for the reason i don’t stop most of the time is because i do not want to see who i am - that person who lurks beneath…
they say the truth sets you free, hmmm, it also breaks you to pieces
‘if i stopped
if i was quiet for a minute
if i was calm
if i was still
if i turned everyone down
if i switched everything off
if i ceased looking everywhere all at once
if i was silent
if i was still
if i stayed at home
if i didn’t pick up the phone
if i was out even when i was in
if i was silent
if i was still
if i slowed right down
if i simply sat here
there
anywhere
if i stood on my head
and emptied out the contents
if i stopped
would you be there
would you speak to me
would i be able to hear you
would it be worth it?
if i stopped
would it be long enough?
if i was silent
would i hear anything?
if i heard something would i know it was you?
if i did
would i be interested?
if i was
would i stop again?’
(Martin Wroe from ‘When You Haven’t Got a Prayer: A journalist talks to God’)
1 comment:
I liked those words. Honest words of yearning and confusion...hope and risk, longing and indecision. Very human words.
I think the fear of being alone is one of the things that has us avoiding the silence/stillness. We are terrified, that if we were still enough to hear the still small voice, we might realise it was our own and not the voice of an other...like our own echo, reverberating off the walls of our heart...and if we discovered that, even if it were more clear than the chaos of distraction, we would feel radically separated from all that we thought we knew. we would be torn from a womb of our own making...and would be left feeling alone...cold...abandoned...
unprotected...vulnerable.
so...we will happily distract ourselves with the semi-chaos of our everydays...rather than face that possibility.
maybe?
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